Judy's Parenting Podcast for New Moms

How to Raise a Great Father

"The way you raise your boy now will strongly impact the kind of father they will become."

Have you ever wondered about how your father became the way that he is?

Last week, I had an experience that confirmed with me what I've observed to be true for many years in my work as a parenting coach - parents with young children can't imagine their kids as adults.

The experience I had involved me taking part in an event that brought high school students together with seniors, to talk openly with one another about their respective lives.

The most amazing thing that I heard was that the teenage boys all shared a similar anxiety... "how do I be a man in the world today?" "how do I act around girls in this #MeToo world?"... and much more.

This got me thinking of what it takes for parents of young children to raise healthy boys before they become teens and eventually men.

This week, I decided to record a podcast to share my advice about raising boys to become healthy men and fathers.

~ Judy

Interview: Dealing with back to school stress

Ever wonder how some folks manage their kids and the transition back to school and seem to make it all appear so easy?

How do other parents do it?

Perhaps they took some advice that I share in my interview with Deb Kozak on Kootenay Morning. (on Kootenay Co-op Radio)

It’s always a pleasure for me share my knowledge about what it takes to be a great parent. Listen in and learn how you can manage the stress of back to school with your kids.

Parent Shock – when your 3 or 4 year old says awful things to you

I'm sure you've heard the expression "children say the darndest things."

But sometimes they can say the most hurtful things.

I had a couple in the store last week who were distraught because their 3-year-old was lashing out at them.

Lucky for them, I had a really good idea about what caused such behaviour in their little one.

And lucky for you, I recorded my podcast about it this week.

Dealing with a preschooler isn't always easy, so I'm happy to help you understand this issue and share ways to deal with it.

~ Judy

This week's related blogpost offers some developmentally appropriate and proven successful approaches to dealing with hurtful words from a preschooler.
Is there anything I can help you understand about your kids? I'd love to hear what you're going through and help others with your situation if I can too.

I swore I’d never… then I had kids.

Remember life before children?

You’d see a child screaming in the supermarket and you said… “I’d never let my child do that!”

Or... or... or!

You probably had a long list of “I’d nevers.”

And then you had a baby.

Try as you might, you probably have ended up doing things that you were sure you never would.

And you're not alone in that. 

Parenting is hard. It's just plain hard. 

And that ocean of "parenting misinformation" on the internet isn't helping you feel any more confident in your parenting role, is it?

This week on my podcast, I've recorded something that I hope will guide you be a better parent. Some fundamentals that really matter.

~ Judy

PS: Do you know someone who could use some guidance with their parenting? I'm here to help. Send them this podcast or get them to email me... whatever works. 

 

Here is the link to the related blog post. http://www.judybanfield.com/i-swore-id-never-then-i-had-kids/

Are you raising a “spoiled” child?

The issue of “spoiling a child” is obsessive in our culture.

And now, seeing as it’s summer, a lot of people have family visiting.

So even though the weather is lovely, moms have been telling me they are having a tough time being responsive to their own kids because they are getting a lot of flack from their visitors (the in-laws or mom or sisters or dads or whoever).

Things like…

“You pick that child up to much… you’re spoiling them…”

“Don’t pick that baby up every time it cries or you’ll turn them into a spoiled brat..”

Ugh.

The idea of “spoiling a baby” is very scary for a lot of parents… they doubt themselves and think “OMG, am I really spoiling my child?”

This week, I recorded a podcast to talk about what “spoiling a child” really means (and to give you some tools to deal with visiting family!)

 

Should you push your kids to be independent?

“Don’t be such a momma’s boy.”  “Careful you don’t turn her into a daddy’s girl.”

When it comes to the development of young children, there is such a strong push in our culture to force kids to be independent, even before they’re ready.

Parents are literally expecting their young children to “figure it out” on their own.

It’s like parents believe that having a toddler who is dependent on you is a bad thing.

But what if I told you that your child’s dependence on you is actually important and that it will help them be stable, more secure, and give them the confidence to spread their wings.

This week on my podcast, I talk about the idea of your child’s need for dependence on you as described in the wonderful new book I just read called Discipline Without Damage.

“It’s your fault” and other terrible things people tell you as a parent

This week, I recorded a podcast where I talk about the interactions I’ve had with parents who took the time to personally respond to my recent blogs on Stress in Young Children.

I talk about 3 separate conversations I had with parents where they told me how they felt undermined by friends and family who had given them parenting advice.

And in spite of the pressure, they felt to follow the advice they were given, each of these parents had the courage to do what they thought was really right for their kids.

In each conversation, the parents expressed how hard it was to be “on our kid’s side” and stick up for what they felt in their heart was the right thing to do for their child.

But in light of the pressure from friends and families to do things in a different way, each of the children had positive outcomes.

Tune in and hear why I think being a parent is the most difficult job in the world.

~ Judy

Please comment below or email me with your ideas and questions.

The book I mention:

Discipline without Damage by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe (website)

 

Positive Discipline for the Terrible Twos

When it comes to toddler behaviour, have you ever wondered why it is sometimes referred to as the Terrible Twos?

This week, I recorded a podcast where I explain the various aspects of a toddler’s development and why it’s so important for them to be disciplined in the right way.

And no, I am not referring to discipline as punishment or spanking or anything like that.

I mean discipline that builds connection with your toddler; that is loving and nurturing and guides them through a very important developmental stage of their lives.

Positive toddler discipline is so important because it has a long-term impact on their way of being in the world so they mature into healthy and balanced young kids, teens, and eventually adults.

Please listen and share this post.

And I’d love to hear your questions and feedback in the comments below.

Judy

…

In the podcast, I mention that there are a number of excellent books on the subject of toddler discipline.

Here are some excellent books that I recommend. Some of these are classics and are still best sellers!

The No-Cry Discipline Solution
by Elizabeth Pantley

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Faber and Mazlish

Adventures in Gentle Discipline
by Hillary Flowers

Raising Your Spirited Child
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

CONNECTION PARENTING: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear
by Pam Leo

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
by Dr. Laura Markham

Discipline Without Damage
by – Vanessa Lapointe (new book)

Also, here is the link to the info I shared about Child Development by Age.

Is Attachment Parenting Right for You and Your Baby?

From time to time I am asked to give presentations to new parents. I love meeting new parents and helping to answer their questions.

This week, I have been asked by a local parent support group to talk about Attachment Parenting.

I decided to make it the focus of my blog post this week and record a podcast for you on the subject.

Attachment Parenting is a subject of much confusion for parents and I wanted to explain what it is and to help you answer the question – is Attachment Parenting right for you and your baby.

(Below is more information that I refer to in the podcast via Attachment Parenting International.)

Attachment Parenting is an approach to childrearing that promotes a secure attachment bond between parents and their children. Attachment is a scientific term for the emotional bond in a relationship. The attachment quality that forms between parents and children, learned from the relational patterns with caregivers from birth on, correlates with how a child perceives – and ultimately is able to experience – relationships. Attachment quality is correlated with lifelong effects and often much more profound an impact than people understand. A person with a secure attachment is generally able to respond to stress in healthy ways and establish more meaningful and close relationships more often; a person with an insecure attachment style may be more susceptible to stress and less healthy relationships. A greater number of insecurely attached individuals are at risk for more serious mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.

How parents develop a secure attachment with their child lies in the parent’s ability to fulfill that child’s need for trust, empathy, and affection by providing consistent, loving, and responsive care. By demonstrating healthy and positive relationship skills, the parent Provides critical emotional scaffolding for the child to learn essential self-regulatory skills.

Attachment Parenting International’s Eight Principles of Parenting are designed to give parents the science-backed “tools” – valuable, practical insights for everyday parenting – that they can use to apply the concept behind Attachment Parenting. These tools guide parents as they incorporate attachment into their individual parenting styles:

1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Parenting — The overarching message within this principle is the importance of parents to research their decisions regarding pregnancy care, childbirth choices, and parenting styles; childbirth without the use of interventions shows the best start to the parent-infant bond. However, there are ways to modify the initial bonding experience for mothers who do encounter complications.
2. Feed with Love and Respect — Research shows unequivocal evidence for breastfeeding for infants along with gentle weaning into nutritious food choices. Breastfeeding is the healthiest infant-feeding choice. The physiology of breastfeeding promotes a high degree of maternal responsiveness and is associated with several other positive outcomes. In the case breastfeeding is not possible, bottle-nursing — attentive bottle-feeding — should emulate the closeness of breastfeeding.
3. Respond with Sensitivity — This Principle is a central element in all of the Principles; it is viewed by many parents as the cornerstone of Attachment Parenting. It encompasses a timely response by a nurturing caregiver. Baby-training systems, such as the commonly referred-to “cry it out,” are inconsistent with this Principle. The foundation of responding with sensitivity in the early years prepares parents for all their years of parenting, by modelling respect and caring.
4. Provide Nurturing Touch — Parents who “wear” their babies in a sling or wrap are applying this Principle. Infants who are opposed to babywearing enjoy being held in-arms. Touch remains important throughout childhood and can be done through massage, hugs, hand-holding, and cuddling.
5. Ensure Safe Sleep — This principle is the basis for one of the most controversial subjects in parenting. Many attachment parents share a room with their young children; those who exclusively breastfeed and who take necessary safety precautions may prefer to share their bed. However, this principle can be just as easily applied to crib-sleeping situations. The point is not the sleeping surface but that parents remain responsive to their children during sleep.
6. Use Consistent and Loving Care — Secure attachment depends on continuity of care by a single, primary caregiver. Ideally, this is the parent. However, if both parents must work outside the home, this principle can be applied by ensuring that the child is being cared for by one childcare provider who embodies a responsive, empathic caregiver over the long-term; for example, an in-home nanny versus a large daycare centre with rotating staff.
7. Practice Positive Discipline — There is a strong push against physical punishment in recent years, but research shows that all forms of punishment, including punitive timeouts, can not only be ineffective in teaching children boundaries in their behaviour but also harmful to psychological and emotional development. Parents are encouraged to teach by example and to use non-punitive discipline techniques such as substitution, distraction, problem-solving, and playful parenting. Parents do not set rules so that their child obeys for the sake of structure, but rather to be the teacher, the coach, the cheerleader, and the guidepost as the child develops his or her own sense of moral responsibility within the construct of the family value system.
8. Strive for Personal and Family Balance — Attachment Parenting is a family-centred approach in that all members of the family have equal value. The parent is not a tyrant, yet also not a martyr. Parents need balance between their parenting role and their personal life in order to continue having the energy and motivation to maintain a healthy relationship and to model healthy lifestyles for their children.

How Technology Impacts Your Relationship with Your Child

What would you do if you lost your smartphone?

Scary thought isn’t it?

Up until a few years ago, the word “iPhone” was a tiny part of our language.

And the word itself certainly was not part of anything to do with being a mother or a parent of young children.

Yet today, smartphones are a pervasive bit of everyday technology owned by virtually all of the young moms (and parents, caregivers or grandparents) I meet. Even I have an iPhone.

In the short time that smartphones and other similar devices like iPads or tablets have been in existence, I’ve seen how they have transformed from a high-tech marvel to a babysitting device.

It’s easy to understand why. They’re fascinating for little kids and completely mesmerizing.

Put an iPad in the hands of a 3-year old and they intuitively know how to make it work. Put a texting device in the hands of an 8-year old and they are right at home.

On the surface, this ease that kids have with smartphones etc seems really cool.

But as a long-time child educator, I’m beginning to see how for kids, fascination with these devices isn’t healthy.

And as a parent coach, I’m beginning to see how these devices are negatively impacting relationships parents are having with their children.

For parents and kids alike,  smartphones etc interfere with their ability to express themselves to each other.

This week on my podcast, I talk about how this technology is negatively impacting parents’ relationships with their children and consequently negatively impacting their children’s development.

More info:

In my podcast I talk about this interview on CBC’s the Current with Sherry Turkle:
Smartphones hurt our face-to-face relationships

Here’s a followup to the CBC interview above (via The Current):
Toronto teacher blames smartphones for her badly-behaved students